Our Story

I am not sure who will read this or when but I feel I need a place to tell our story.  I don't plan to share this right away with family or friends because I just don't want anyone to know what we are going through yet. 

My husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first in Nov. 2010 and when I saw that "YES" on the pregnancy test I was so happy I even jumped up and down and I had a smile from ear to ear.  We both were very happy!  Then it hit us, we were not married yet at the time (had planned to but we just didn't know how to go about it).  You see my then fiance at the time and I had met in Aug. 2010 and just knew we were meant to be.  At the time he was living in KY and me in NC and he had lost his job.  So fast forward to Nov. 2010 and he had moved in with me in NC as we drove back and forth to KY to repair his house so we could sell it and he was having trouble finding work here in NC.  When we found out about or little miracle baby it wasn't so much a surprised as we had said "If it happens it happens" and oh it happened that first month we even stopped not trying to get pregnant.

Our little one at just over 5 weeks
with a little heart beat.  We miss you

At this time though we were in my one bedroom apartment and though we could make it work I just didn't feel right cramming all 3 of us in a 950 sq foot apartment so we started looking for a house.  No sooner do we find a house and start the process to buy it do I then start spotting.  I remember it clear as day.  It was the most horrible feeling.  I started spotting on a Monday and didn't go to the Dr. till it got heavy on Thursday, this was the week before Christmas 2010.  We found out our little one didn't have a heart beat after we had just seen the little flutters a week before.   We cried so hard after finding out, it broke our hearts. 

We ended up telling my Dad and Step Mom, My Mom and Jerry's Mom that we had been expecting but had lost the baby.  I wanted to tell them because I was supposed to go in for a D&C the following Monday and being it is surgery you just never know.  I will say (and I am sorry Mom) but I didn't get the reaction I expected from my mother, she first said something nice; that miscarriages are ways for babies to experience the world through you, having you as a Mom but they just are not ready for the world.  But, then she followed that up with telling me she thought we were rushing things and we needed to slow down.  Honestly that was the most insensitive thing she could of said to me as I cried my eyes out over the loss of my child.  Mom if you are reading this, I am sorry but you hurt my feelings.

My Dad was sad for us and said we needed to have faith and Jerry's Mom was sad also but very supportive.

We never made it to the D&C as I had a natural M/C on Sunday the day after Christmas.  The M/C was moved along as I ran to the car to grab a first aid kit for Jerry who had cut his hand open by accident while trying to open something.  As I was cleaning the blood off the floor (Jerry was trying to get the bleeding to stop) the contractions got bad and it went down hill from there.

My Dr. confirmed using an ultra sound the following Monday that we had passed everything and a D&C would not be needed.  She told us we could try again after 1 normal cycle and that this time it might of just been a chromosomal defect.  We had lost our little one at 6.5weeks.  In our angels memory we purchased an angel ornament for our tree so we could remember him/her.  It was also a sad day when we packed up all the little clothes we had bought for the baby and put away the scrapbook pages I had started.

Our second little Angel at about 6
weeks with a strong heartbeat.  We
miss you so very much!

Between our next try I had a regular OB apt. for an annual and everything was A OK.  So we tired again in Feb. and boom we got pregnant again.  At this point we had moved into our home and we had our destination wedding planned for April in Jamaica. Well this is perfect I won't be showing much for the wedding and all will be good. WRONG.....

I found out in Jamaica on my wedding day that we had lost our second angel. Again after seeing the heartbeat twice and then starting to bleed the day we got to Jamaica and confirming at the Jamaican hospital that there was no heartbeat at 7 weeks.  We were in shock.  I must say my husband is the best man in the world.  In the hospital he fanned me (AC wasn't working in my room) and he would go off to find people whenever I needed him too.  You could tell this was upsetting him more than anything.  The Dr. at the hospital said we could go back to the hotel and based on my bleeding I should pass the baby any time now.


Our Wedding Day 4.11.11

 That night when we got back to the room we ordered room service and had a drink.  No one was with us in Jamaica and I was glad about that as everyone would have been sad the rest of the trip.  We agreed we would make the best of our honeymoon, and we did.  The following night after we had our candle light dinner is when it happened and it was a long hard night, I won't go into details.

This picture was taken at our candle light dinner on the pier.
We were very happy but still had a feeling of sadness at the
loss of our little one.

When we got home from our honeymoon a tornado had come through the area and though our house was ok we had no power for days.  I then got sick (probably because of the m/c).  I ended up only telling my Dad and Step Mom about the baby and m/c for a couple of reason, one I didn't want to upset others, two my Step Mom had asked why I kept getting sick and three I didn't want any more negative comments this was hard enough.  A lot of my co-workers knew about the pregnancy so I made sure to send them all and email while I was still out of the office so they would know not to ask about the baby.

That brings us to now.  We are currently seeing a fertility Dr. and I have had lots of blood drawn for tests and we are waiting for the results.  I will be going in Monday for an HSG exam to see if there is any abnormality with my uterus.  I found out my chromosomes are good so that is one YAY! 

The next time we try we will not be telling anyone when we get pregnant until we reach our third trimester as we can't go by the heartbeat alone because we have lost two after the heartbeat was detected.

Thanks for reading and so sorry this was so long.